Understanding the Signs of Abuse
Feb 07, 2020
There are very sticky 'unseen energetic' bonds which tie an abuser to their victim, pulling the victim back over and over again, as if they are tied to their persecutor with an elastic band. It takes a great deal of will-power to extricate oneself from such a toxic relationship.
Many years ago I found myself in an abusive relationship.
Initially it was 'just' verbal and emotional abuse, which was devastating and damaging enough as it was.
There are many signs which show we are experiencing emotional / psychological abuse, but I didn't know how to recognize them for a long time. For example:
- I was constantly mentally and physically exhausted
- Was unable to sleep properly (chronic insomnia) which meant I got up every day completely exhausted, unable to function properly throughout the day
- Was constantly 'walking on eggshells' through fear of what he might say next... the next criticism, put-down, admonishment...
- Thought I was going crazy because I couldn't work out if what he was telling me was true or not
- Constantly doubting myself
- Could not think straight, my brain was full of 'brain fog'
- Could not do my job properly because I was so exhausted and brain-fogged
- Was constantly in the 'stress' 'fight-flight' response because I never felt safe to relax
- Was constantly criticized and told that whatever I did, it wasn't good enough
- Whatever I said, I was wrong and he was right
- Was controlled over what I did, what clothes I wore, how I wore my hair, what I should and shouldn't do, what I should and shouldn't eat
- Was isolated from my family, being told that they had nothing to offer me, and that he could offer me the love I was seeking
- Kept on telling myself "it's like living with Jekyll and Hyde" because one minute he was Mr Nice, and then without warning could turn into Mr Nasty
There are many more signs to look for but overall there are two different categories of signs and symptoms:
1. The behaviour of the 'persecutor'
2. The internal mental-emotional-energetic-physiological responses of the 'victim'
We have to learn to identify both sets of signs and symptoms.
It took me a LONG time (over 6 months) to understand what was happening, because I grew up experiencing a similar kind of behaviour at home, and therefore this type of treatment was unconsciously my 'norm'. I just didn't know any different. Actually, 6 months is a relatively short time compared to the thousands of people who find themselves in abusive relationships but don't know how to either understand what is happening or how to get out, and can spend years or a lifetime trapped in dysfunctional relationships.
It wasn't until the abuse started becoming physical, and after reading the book 'Men who hate women, and the women that love them' that I finally found the COURAGE to leave the relationship. And OH BOY does it take courage to leave an abusive relationship, due to the old childhood patterns running the conscious (and unconscious) mind.
There are very sticky 'unseen energetic' bonds which tie an abuser to their victim, pulling the victim back over and over again, as if they are tied to their persecutor with an elastic band. It takes a great deal of will-power to extricate oneself from such a toxic relationship.
One of the most important things one needs to do to recognize and understand what is going on, is to SEEK HELP, and in particular get help from people who understand this type of experience. This will either be a friend who has been through it, or a health professional with personal experience in it. If you don't get help from someone who has been through it themselves, they won't understand what truly goes on in a situation like this. This is why someone being victimized can try telling their friends about it, and the friends just don't 'get' it. The abuse can be so subtle, and the confusion in the mind of the 'victim' can be so severe, that trying to make sense of things without the right help will be virtually impossible.
In a recent newspaper article a broken-hearted Mother shares the story of what happened to her daughter who was not lucky enough to get out. https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/116089330/brokenhearted-mothers-message-to-women--the-first-time-he-hits-you-run
So here is a tip to leave you with:
If it doesn't feel right, and your gut and heart keep constantly telling you 'something just doesn't feel right', then listen to this feedback. It is coming from the wisest part of you - the part that never lies, that is there to keep you safe (gut) and has your best interests at 'heart '. You must learn to TRUST your inner guidance, your inner emotional sat nav. It absolutely knows what is right and true, even when you mind is completely confused and lost in self-doubt. TRUST YOUR GUT.
Relevant Self-Help Program to Stop Emotional Abuse:
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